Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Have Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin Consciously Uncoupled? - The Cut

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

I had run out of hope.

I was tired of fighting.

Why cant I sleep on my side after getting my covid vaccine? I just got the shot and I’ve been overstimulated from not being able to sleep, my arm is very sore and it hurts so much to move and I just want to sleep but it hurts if I lay on either side

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

The sadness was still there.

Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

And the sadness?

Is love natural, or is it somehow created?

You are like me, then.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

© you're so funny!

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It’s still here.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

What kind of lights would you like to use for your home decor?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Does eating bread before bed make you fat? If so, why?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

I was tired of trying and failing.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

What traits are considered unattractive? Which traits are typically seen as attractive and why?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s here now, writing to you.

I think that being gay is wrong, but I treat gay people respectfully like any other person. Is it homophobic? Or offensive in any kind of way? Aren’t disagreement and discrimination two different things?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Be who you already are.